What’s a Girlfriend Got to Do With It? (2013)

surfer

Does culture dictate what is acceptable for men or are there simply assholes regardless of their country?

I was in Panama for a teaching job I found accidentally. You can’t imagine my happiness at leaving behind freezing Canadian winter and heading off to the land of sun, beaches and Latin dancing!

Before I started my job, I decided to take two weeks to travel the country and got a volunteering gig as a hotel helper in a surfing town of Santa Catalina. Basically all I had to do was lie in a hammock waiting for guests, reading a book or sometimes dozing off after a day at the beach.

lazy life in the village

lazy life in the village

I worked alongside a very nice but quite smelly and unattractive bearded American guy Rick who had a crush on me. For the lack of any other company, we would go out at night to one of the few little bars followed by the owner’s dog Darly. The dog would run alongside us, barking at anyone who would get close.

I have spent a few days in Santa Catalina and loved the little village atmosphere, the endless fruits on the trees and the lush nature, but I was bored. So, so bored. The bars closed at ten p.m. so that the surfers could wake up at dawn to do what they do best… Surf.

One night I walked into Chile Rojos pizza bar with Rick, and a bit fed up at spending all my time with him (as well as tired of his arm-pit smell) I joined a table of four guys. Two guys were serious blond Fins, and the other two dark shaggy haired Argentinians.

Chile Rojos

Chile Rojos

One, Pablo, was the most attractive one. Rather, he exuded a mix of confidence, easy-going charm and ruggedness all in one. With a sleek body covered in a few tattoos, he was shaggy haired and slightly bearded. I didn’t fall for him, rather he won me over with his easy demeanor.

At first we became something like friends. We got along perfectly and understood each other’s sense of humor, even though we spoke only in Spanish. That night, as the electricity died in the bar (which was a normal occurrence in Panama), us and the Fins plus Rick and Darly walked to the beach. Pablo and I walked together and he sang me songs in Spanish. Cheesy maybe, but he made everything seem natural.

“That was so lame the way he kept on trying to win you over. He just wants to get into your pants.” hissed angry Rick as we walked home.

“Pablo?” I laughed. “I am not taking him seriously.”

I really didn’t. Pablo was fun, relaxed and sexy. And that was enough.

The next evening I saw him again. He was sitting with his friend Pato (who spoke even less English but was the nicest person) in Chile Rojos and was very excited as I came in. As we started talking, he went over the list of all the guys I know and began quizzing about me about who I found attractive, clearly sorting out through the competition. First came the Fins, then Rick. It was a big bold NO for all.

“What do you think about me?” he asked me in his sing-song Argentinian accent. A little knowing smile on his face.

I avoided the topic and looked a bit uncomfortable, so he gave up. At least for that night.

santa catalina2

I didn’t see him the next day, so I started to miss him a little. He didn’t show up to Chili Rojos for a couple of hours, so I sat there with Rick and another guy hoping and wishing he would come through the door. And just as I was about to give up, in he came with that relaxed grin on his face and that shaggy hair of his sporting a regular attire of T-shirt and surfer shorts.

He sat down near me and began flirting mercilessly.

“So is it a yes?” he asked finally, in a cryptic voice.

“It’s a maybe” I finally uttered, unable to keep on prolonging this any longer.

He seemed to take it as a yes and as we began to part, he offered to go to the beach. Rick thankfully declined and Pato came for a bit, then with a not-so subtle look from Pablo finally said he had to go sleep. As he left, Pablo decided to romance me the Latin way and put on some romantic Argentinian music for me. And he even sang along to it.

We started kissing and then he began to kiss my breasts. I was going to say no except it has really been a while and at this point, who really cared? We went further and further.. until he wanted a blowjob.

OK, so my rule with blow jobs is that I only give one after sex.  After all, I don’t know where his penis has been! Why would I put some unknown object in my mouth? Kids are taught not to do that.

I told him NO. And what did he do? He stood in front of me with his penis sticking out and his arms on his sides. He even tried to grab my hand so I could touch it. And believe me when I say, there was not much to grab onto there. But that’s beside the point. Exasperated, I told him I was leaving. He followed me, now with his penis in his pants, thankfully. We were also accompanied by Darly, who jealous or angry began jumping on me and biting me, seeing as how some unknown boy was all over me. She wouldn’t leave me alone, so Pablo tried to calm her down.

“I want to stay the night with you. We are not going to have sex” he said firmly, holding the dog with the other hand.

I shook my head. “You are not”

“I am. I am coming”

“No. I said you are not”

“Yes, I am grabbing my things”

“Pablo! No!”

“Ok, wait for me. I am coming”

The forest

The forest

And apparently this pushy Argentinian logic worked since the next thing I knew we were walking to my place. By place, I mean an attic in the middle of nowhere. Downstairs lived Rick and if you climbed the ladder up, you would have to sort of walk/crawl through my wooden door. Thankfully Rick never tried it.

“How long has it been since you had a girlfriend?” I asked him.

“Hmm.. Long time” he said as he held my hand through the woods.

I missed sleeping near a guy and living in a little village with woods on both sides of me didn’t help matters. It was really nice to have this shaggy haired VERY PUSHY Latin man with me. Even if he did just stick his wiener in my face.

Pun intended

Pun intended

After we got heated up again, he gave me oral and asked me to reciprocate (which I admit, I hate. It’s almost like ‘I do you. You do me’). I told him about my rule.

“You have some stupid rules” He said. I should have been mad maybe, but it was kind of funny and in fact, maybe he was right. I ended up giving him one. But on second thought, personal rules are good to have and no one should ever argue you out of them or you lose your sense of integrity.

We slept in each other’s arms and in the morning, he rose early for surfing. I looked up at him a bit bewildered. I have never spent the night with a surfer/hippy/tattooed guy. But I figured that was one experience that would be interesting.

To be frank, I avoided him the whole day. I mean, OK,  I wanted to see him but that would entail something else. I couldn’t continue sleeping with him and not having sex. I also couldn’t just walk away. Rather, he probably wouldn’t let me.

That day, however, I didn’t see him and though relieved, I began to wonder – maybe he left!? What if he left? What if I never saw him again?

However, the night after I was walking home when I saw him and Pato strolling towards the beach with a surfing instructor Ronaldo. They asked me to join them and I succumbed. Besides everything, I loved spending time with them. They were funny, friendly, playful and so easy going. If it wasn’t for the almost sex I was having with Pablo, we could be great friends.

Sitting on the beach, Pablo didn’t try to caress me or kiss me in front of the guys.. So when Ronaldo offered me a massage to “relax me”, I saw it as okay. I didn’t see it as anything else. Pablo, who was gone for a few minutes, came back to see Ronaldo massaging my back. Clearly irritated, he offered Pato to leave the beach and when I looked at him quizzically, ignored me.Beach_Bonfire_by_anarsil1

“It’s great, I will drop her off” offered Ronaldo.

“No, no!” I protested “I am coming with you, guys!”

As it turned out on the way back, Pablo did in fact get jealous and could not understand why I would let another man massage me. I couldn’t understand how a massage turned into something so serious? After all, he didn’t act like we were anything more than friends/almost sex partners.

Ronaldo followed us on a bike, clearly thinking he still had a chance but Pablo would not let that happen.

“I am staying with you” He whispered to me. No please. No maybe.

Ronaldo’s face fell and Pablo’s brightened as we walked away together. As we lay together that night (without sex still) we began talking about our lives. He opened up about his life, his mom dying.. And then he uttered my favorite phrase which at the time seemed so genuine but now I have no idea.

“You are my perfect girl” he whispered “I mean we have fun, you are hilarious, pretty.. Everything I want. Would you consider coming to Argentina? We could try dating.”

We could dance tango

We could dance tango

I don’t know if that worked its magic or maybe I was just horny, but we ended up having sex that night. The sex was nothing special, I think it was more the closeness I craved.

That morning was a soap opera. Rick, for some unknown to me reason, decided to practice yoga under my attic window.. meaning Pablo couldn’t get down or he would be seen. I climbed down and tried to distract Rick. I offered him to go surfing so he could finally leave and when that worked, told him I would meet him halfway. Pablo during this time, was browsing through my underwear collection and smirking. This went on for an hour, until he finally climbed down my window and we arranged to meet on the beach.

That day he taught me how to surf and acted as the sweetest guy ever. He only bit my ass twice, and was excited every time I got on my board. “Agarra el tablero!” He would yell on top of his voice and cheer me on as I shakily managed to stay on long enough. You see why I am still of a good opinion of this Argentinian boy.

Oh yeah, a pro like me

Oh yeah, a pro like me

That night, however, he never came and as it turned out later, spent the night on the beach. I left for another place the following day, having cried a bit as I walked home the night I didn’t see him.

Bocas del Toro was comprised of three islands, and close to the border of Costa Rica. I was there for four days when  I saw him randomly strolling down the street. On Valentine’s Day of all days.

bocas

Sure, I was still mad he didn’t come, but to hell with it.. I thought. We spent the day on the beach and the evening eating pasta and flirting furiously. People turned around at us with smiles as we fought and made up playfully within a matter of minutes. His hair was tied up in a small ponytail and he looked a bit like Orlando Bloom from Pirates of the Caribbean. At least that’s what my new friend thought. The poor girl didn’t speak any Spanish and had to spend her dinner listening to us bickering in a foreign language.

We spent the night dancing. Actually, he would stand there distracted watching surfing one second. The next, he would press me to the wall with his body. He told me I was like “a thousand girls in one” – meaning I was that amazing and energetic.

He rented a motel room that night, but for some reason I felt cheap. Especially when coming out of the bathroom, I saw him fully undressed lying on the bed waiting for me. The sex was average once more.

The morning after was my last day in Bocas. I had to return to Panama City to start work. That day however I met Giles (See the French) and since I was extremely attracted to Giles, I later on hid from Pablo in the club.

And good thing, because this is the conversation Pablo and I had two weeks after.

“So Pablo, what are you doing? Are you coming to Panama City?”

“Oh I don’t think so. My girlfriend is coming tomorrow so we might go back to Santa Catalina”

“…Girflriend?”

“Why, does it matter?”

“…YES!?”

“Well I didn’t think it mattered. You never asked.”

“I asked how long has it been since you had a girlfriend. I didn’t assume you actually HAD one.”

Thus the story ends, with a little insight on Argentinian culture, in which it is apparently normal to have an open relationship and cheating is considered as normal as peeing. Who knew? It was my first experience and it shocked me.

Corazon

Who has any similar experience with Argentinians? I would love to hear your stories!

18 thoughts on “What’s a Girlfriend Got to Do With It? (2013)

  1. “cheating is considered as normal as peeing” Wtf?Have you actually been to Argentina? You cannot make general statements based on one single experience. I’m Argentinian and let me tell you that here, as everywhere else, cheating is just wrong. Your story just proves that jerks are everywhere.

    • As I said, this is what I have been told and that is why I am asking people to give their own opinion. I never said that my opinion is the right one, but I have heard this from many people (including Argentinian girls) that mentioned that Argentinians have no problem cheating on their girlfriends. You believe that this is not true, but again, many other girls told me otherwise. I am interested in everyone’s opinion.

  2. oh my god, this was halarious! but i have to tell you the truth, i am so not surprised….it’s as if they all have a book with guidelines and they all say the say things, follow the same steps in the same sequence. they are masters at this. I’m from montreal myself, but travelled and lived abroad for a very long time……and let me tell you….argentinians are the most charming…it must be that bad boy look…i don’t know…..they just have something that than italians don’t ..but they are bigger jerks. something i learned from them is this;1)they say what they mean in the monet, which means that the next day it’s not valid anymore lol and 2) they cheat like crazy, howvere if you find the right onme, he will treat you like gold.

    • I think you nailed it. The majority of Argentinian guys are very sexy, charming, carefree and good looking and yes, they know how to seduce women. I think that Argentinian women are aware of this “hunter instinct” and play very hard to get. You are right in the fact that it is not that they lie per ce. They do mean what they say IN THE MOMENT, but next moment (especially if they already won you over) their attention is on the next target. Did you find the “right one” or did you swear off Argentinians?

      • hahahahahah this is my view…oh my god if i ever met you in person, i swear we would die laughing about this stuff.ok, so i’m italian, lived there for years, Italians are my thing…..jerks yes, but they don’t mean to hurt you and they are not jackasses about things. they need to work a bit harder to get the girl…whereas their cousins from south america just need to look at you at the story is finished…….they just have something about them…i don’t know what it is. so my story is that i have met argentinians in montreal, argentina, italy, miami, etc….all super nice , very charming, but 1)full of themselves, 2) they think that we want them more than they want us 3)care for you in that moment to the point of marrying you…and then the next day, you’re just friends. i’m not X’ing them completely because i must admit, i did meet one that was very cultured, inteligent, respectful to levels i can’t tell you……..but nothing happened between us……just a friendship even though we both wanted more to happen…but he knew just as well as i did that it couldn’t be, so he wasn’t a jerk about it…..no reason to lead me on, right? however, they talk too much…….when getting to know an argentinian, and an italian as well for that matter, don’t listen to a word they say…the truth is this….if they really like you, they are not going to want to sleep with you…..guys from those types of cultures are serious about being with a girl when they are a bit shy, they don’t really out the moves on you…….so ladies, keep this in mind……if he really likes you, he won’t tell you he loves you and then the next day dissappear……what do you think? i’m telling you, they must go to a private school to get training cause they all say the same thing!!!!! from south america just ne

      • haha yes. Send me your info! I go to Montreal a lot (actually I just did a video there for a comparison between Montreal and Toronto) so maybe we can hang out.

        I agree. With Italians it really depends on where they are from, but while Italian guys are similar to Argentinians in that they love to throw a lot of words around, they are definitely more trustworthy.

        I think there are many good Argentinian guys, but the problem is those are the ones girls pay no attention to. They are not the typical Argentinian we tend to fall for. And most appreciate a girl who will not be easily seduced. The problem with me, and many girls that live in North America is that we are suckers for passion and seduction (as here, in Toronto, men are terrible at it).. So we will listen to any bullshit we are fed. By the way, if you have time, read my article about men from Montreal. See if you agree!

      • hahahahah i like the way you think! ok, i’ll read the montreal article, and please let me know when you are in town!!!

      • mia!!! hhahahahah i just came back from Argentina and i thought about you hahahahaha the latest is this; she’s not concedered a girlfriend unless it was said…officially!!! so you can be “going out” with some dude for 6 months, dinners, parties, friends and family meet, but unless it’s officially stated, both of you are single and allowed to go out with whoever you want…..”sin compromiso”…..wtf……

      • haha WOW. I am at a loss for words.. Basically, you can be going out with a guy for half a year and you still don’t know you are together!?

        I’m glad you thought about me and apparently the guy I wrote about is just one of many who think it’s fine to cheat on a girlfriend!

        Thanks for asking around;)

    • Thanks Betty,
      Gentlemen indeed! Not only will they never say no, but they will push you to say yes to them. Until they are done, that is.
      I still talk to this guy, I have nothing against him. He is the way he is, but it doesn’t make him a bad person, really. Better left as an acquaintance:)

  3. I devoured your blog in a day! I love that like me, you travel and date foreigners it’s so hard to explain it fully to friends back home so it’s really nice reading about the similarities and differences of our experiences.

    I would love to see your video blog, could I please have the link?

    Sending you lots of love from Mexico (at the moment!)

  4. Hey! I loved the details you shared with us on this experience.
    I had a similar experience with an Argentinean guy staying in the same hostel in Rome. his pursuit / persistence towards me included words like “i love you”, “you are beautiful”, “will you be my girlfriend of Rome?”.
    the craziest thing was – he asked for an MMF threesome, he wanted his (less attractive) friend to join in as he said that would get him hot! I refused and did not happen but I am still puzzled on this one. Since you’ve also experienced men of different cultures – feel free to share your insight! 😉
    Keep up the blog posts!

    • Thanks, Maybelline! Wow, yours is definitely a crazy story! I wish I could give you some input, but Argentinian men puzzle me as much as you. Many hugs!

  5. Hey! I loved the details you shared with us on this experience.
    I had a similar experience with an Argentinean guy staying in the same hostel in Rome. his pursuit / persistence towards me included words like “i love you”, “you are beautiful”, “will you be my girlfriend of Rome?”.
    the craziest thing was – he asked for an MMF threesome, he wanted his (less attractive) friend to join in as he said that would get him hot! I refused and did not happen but I am still puzzled on this one. Since you’ve also experienced men of different cultures – feel free to share your insight!😉
    Keep up the blog posts!

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