If I picture my perfect love life it is always accompanied by some sort of a beach, a flowy dress and bare feet with a lot of running, dancing and kissing. Unfortunately for me, no matter how desperate I am to feel passion, it feels as if I’m a always pushing for it.. But never really feel it. I want to shake with desire. I want to do crazy things and I want to feel crazy over someone, even if it is later accompanied by a lot of tears and sad music.
However, just as I crave passion, I also tend to be quite passionate about expressing my anger with a guy. There are some girls that can calmly wait out a situation, then turn it around in their favor. I am in awe of them. If I get mad, I’m like a bottle of soda you shake for too long. Reason fades away. Logic remains, but it is expressed in a pretty loud way. I need the guy to understand why I’m mad. I need to talk it over. NOW. Or I will burst. Afterwards, when I’m done exploding, and we a talk it over, the whole matter is usually done with. I become calm and reasonable and happy.
Don’t think that I attack men with scissors, or throw dishes at them. But I need to get out my anger and frustration right away. Otherwise I will not be able to do anything. Here’s a great example: you had a bit of a fight with your boyfriend and never made up. You talked it over calmly, both said sorry, but he never kissed you afterwards. Just left you hanging. You both get into bed, he hugs you good night and that’s it. Just falls asleep. In the last case, this happened to me while visiting my ex (long distance) boyfriend two days ago. Strangely enough, an identical accident occurred with my previous ex-long distance boyfriend two years ago. Maybe, a reasonable girl would go to sleep and deal with it in the morning. What does a crazy girl like me do?
- Roll on the other side of the bed. As physically far away from his as possible. (Without falling)
- When he asks what’s wrong say “Nothing…” Whilst fuming terribly.
- As he falls asleep, become infuriated again. How the hell does he not know I am mad?
- Start fuming loudly.
- He asks what’s wrong again. Say “You know what’s wrong.”
- When he fails to understand and falls asleep again, begin making strange sobbing noises
- When he doesn’t respond, saunter into another room and sit there fuming and making a mix of slobbering/sobbing/angry noises so the jerk finally wakes up. I mean how can he sleep peacefully when I am so upset?
- When he finally comes out and looks at you in an exasperated manner, start blaming him of being cold. Not affectionate. That you feel like you are married with him for years.
- When he asks you to come to bed, stay seated and angry, wanting him to plead more.
- Finally getting tired of the stupidity and wanting to cuddle against him you shuffle back to the bed, yearning with all your heart for him to hug you and kiss you and tell you how much he needs you. And maybe some make-up sex?
This is a truthful example of what happened to me two years ago and this is very similar to what happened two days ago when a long distance boyfriend I went to visit for three days pulled this on me. This time I wasn’t as crazy as what I portrayed, but I was so upset that I couldn’t sleep for hours and paced around the living room sobbing. I think there’s nothing worse than being with a guy who no longer wants to have sex with you. And you begin feeling like a block of wood next to him.
The next morning I thought that we resolved everything and still he never made a move on me. Even in the morning, when it looked like we finally made up, he didn’t want to spend another minute in bed with me, but suggested we get up early to go to mass. To pray for my sins, I suppose?
At this point, I got so upset that I acted like a complete girl – turned around and started crying. How sexy, right? I was leaving the next day and he preferred to go to church instead of spending time with me, instead of any intimacy. When I told him I was thinking of catching the next bus back home, he told me I was immature. When I asked him if he would stop me he said “No.” That he would if he were in high school, that this was too much for him and even though he knew I was hurt he ‘couldn’t do anything’.
Do anything? All we really need sometimes, as girls, is for the man to hug us, kiss us and tell us he needs us. This is not rocket science. And I truly believe that it’s better to express yourself and be passionate, then to go through your life second guessing every action, being careful not to say the wrong thing and not acting on instinct.
I would never hit a guy, but if I did, I want someone who would envelop me in his arms and tell me how ridiculous our fight is. I want a strong man who would not let me leave. He would go after me and grab my bag out of my arms, so I would stay. I want a man who can give me both passion and reason with me when I’m being ridiculous. But love me because I am that ridiculous sometimes. Especially when I get mad.
What about all of you, girls?