- You have a whole library of books with promising titles like “Why Men Love Bitches” with an ever exciting sequel called “Why Men Marry Bitches”, “He’s Just Not that Into You” (which you forget as soon as you read it and have to re-read again in order not to fall prey to yet another guy who doesn’t want you)
- You have memorized parts of dating books and proudly narrate them to your girlfriends in times of their yet another romantic crisis (show him you’re independent! Get him to chase YOU), yet break the rules yourself constantly. “He has to be into me if he was touching me all night.” and “Maybe I intimidated him so he never got the guts to ask for my number. Yes, we kissed. What does that have to do with that?”
- You are told constantly that you are ‘too picky’ and need to settle down already. When are you going to start having babies? In your 30s? Did you know how difficult it is to have a sleepless night in your 30s? And how pathetic it is to see an OLD woman in a club wearing leopard tights scoping out a man!
- You are on OKCupid, POF or eHarmony. You get all excited when you sign up and get a million messages. Then once it all dies down, you realize that these sites are just like a cheap store. Many bright colors but really static material. All made in China. No pun intended.
- You go through Facebook invites for every party hoping there is someone there worth going for.
- Some people care about seeing the wonders of the world or learning a new skill when they go away. You pick out your vacations in the hopes of meeting the guy of your dreams (foreign would do!), having a romantic week and then a wonderful long distance relationship during which he confides in you that he has never felt this way, asking you to sponsor him from Cuba because he would love to spend the rest of his life with YOU. In New York.
- You get yourself pumped for a night on the town with your other desperate girlfriends. Instead you stand around fully made-up drinking an over-priced Margarita and exchanging a few polite words, hoping someone would finally approach you. When they do, it’s yet another Indian guy thinking he’s Italian.
- You try to avoid hanging out with your ‘coupled’ friends, but every time you do you make sure to have a great story showcasing your amazing single life. As in “So I have these two guys. One is great in bed, but the other is wealthy. What do I do?” Then you imagine how boring it must be for them to no longer have any sex and how much sex you could (potentially) be having.
- You have heard the line “Love will come when you are not looking for it” a million times. How does that even work? Maybe you can stop looking and just go out for some drinks tonight. THEN, when you are least expecting it you will see him out of the corner of your eye.. Your dream man. All because you weren’t looking! Except that means you are still looking. Damn.
- You do not have the sex life of anyone in “Sex and the City”. Even Charlotte. And she’s supposed to be the prude.