To Kiss or Not to Kiss? (2012) – The Croatian

I swear I am almost embarrassed to admit that I liked this guy. He was twenty-three which meant YOUNG, arrogant and of course, a player. Not two minutes would go by without him checking out another girl. Whom there were plenty of. We were in Mykonos after all.

I have seen him strutting around the campsite and chuckled to myself. I was convinced he was younger and a North American. Blond and built, he carried himself with a slight cockiness and there was no way he was to be taken seriously.

Maybe by fifteen year olds. I was twenty-seven. And seemingly mature. Seemingly.

He was lying by the side of the pool, squeezing lime juice into what looked like water. I asked him if he was starting off his morning with vodka. Tequila, he told me with a twinkle in his eye and offered me to try it. He then introduced himself as Marko from Victoria BC, though he was born and raised in Croatia. We had a nice little chat and to be honest, 80-best-ryan-gosling-hey--large-msg-136752189321though I considered him wayyy too young for me, I was a bit taken back by his easy demeanor, the slow and relaxed way he expressed himself. And the way he reminded me of Ryan Gosling. Not that I even like Ryan Gosling or find him good-looking. But I suppose many girls would argue with me on that.

Our pool, never empty except here

Anyways, Marko had that something. And I think that something was real confidence in himself. He had no need to prove himself to me or to anyone. And that was what drew me to him, though I didn’t want to admit it.

We went for a swim and talked more and more. Then us and two guys from Canada came up with a plan to first go to Paradise Beach for a day party and then to see Tiesto live in Cavo Paradiso, the biggest and most expensive club in Mykonos. Also located on the beach.

After five hours of dancing on tables at Paradise Beach, I was exhausted. As Marko and I walked home, he told me he made out with some girl. Great, I said. I made out with a guy. At this point, I wasn’t deliberately trying to point it in his face. I did actually consider him as a sort of friend. He was very very young and mostly an idiot, though somehow attractive as hell.

As we got back to the campsite, I didn’t feel like going anywhere. I was beyond exhausted from the sun, the heat and the alcohol. But seeing Tiesto in Mykonos had to be worth it so I made myself dress up. By dress up I mean a dress and flip-flops. No heels.

Marko wouldn’t let me take a nap before going. He convinced me that I had to drink in order to stay awake. He shook me by the shoulders and playfully pinched my cheek as the girls in front of us observed us strangely. I loved getting his attention. I don’t even know why. I knew I was older than him, but at times I felt so young around him. It’s like the bastard knew how to push my hot buttons.

We went with the two Canadian boys and two from New York. I was the only girl and I actually really enjoyed it. It’s always fun with the boys as they are relaxed, funny and never catty like girls. The boys also convinced me to try MDMA and since it was my first time seeing Tiesto and first time in Mykonos, I thought why not? First time for everything, right? Plus, I figured it would help me wake up. I was dying from exhaustion. (But for the record: I don’t do drugs).

Yes, kids

Yes, kids

The club was incredible: half inside, half outside, so we could watch the sunrise in the morning and it had a pool that everyone jumped in for the last song. The MDMA was supposed to kick in. Only it didn’t. The Canadian boys kept on touching my hair and saying how beautiful I was, while I felt absolutely nothing. However, I did get a lot of energy and became obsessed with Marko. Though I was sure it wasn’t the drugs.

the party

I am not even kidding when I say that the club was filled with gorgeous, tanned and sexy men. Men from all over the world. What did I want? Only him. I stole glances at him as he casually strolled in his red T-shirt and white capris, finally locating me and giving me a smile. He walked to me and we began to dance what was a very erotic dance. At least to me. He pushed me to him and moved with me, his breath hot against my face and his hands passionately tugging at my dress as if he wanted me. I wanted him badly. With my hands around his sweaty neck, I held him to me and even though I wanted to make a move, I also wanted him to make one. He didn’t. The beautiful trance switched to more beats and we awkwardly separated. The moment was gone. He asked me to go find our friends and I followed him, holding his hand.

One of the New Yorkers was there, trying to grind with me and push his groin into me. I glanced at Marko who was now dancing with another girl, slightly dazed from the drugs. Enough, I thought. I wouldn’t spend the whole night waiting for him. So, I walked around the club, found the most beautiful Italian stallion I could find and made out with him instead. That was before he tried to pull off my dress and I walked away.

The next day, or rather that day later on I kept on thinking about him. I finally saw him lying by the pool, as always with some girls on his side. Trying to be super cool and indifferent, I strutted by him, trying to look as sexy as possible and feeling as pathetic as possible. Finally, the girls left and I walked over to him. I mean, we weren’t anything else but friends, right? I should act like one.

our beach during the day

We went to eat dinner on the beach, which was not as romantic as you might think, considering he spoke mainly about himself and his conquests. At this point, I figured he was just a child and treated him like one. I needed a man. What the hell was I doing with this boy, I don’t know.

However, that night everyone was going to the club to see Afrojack. After coming back at at sunrise and having to leave the next day to Santorini I couldn’t manage to have another sleepless night. The sleazy New Yorker pressed himself to me as I was sitting on a table and told me to convince him not to go to the club. I told him ‘go, please’. He got a bit discouraged then asked me to walk around the beach. I said no.

Apparently, he also asked Marko if there was anything between us as he somehow knew I had a thing for him. I convinced Marko that wasn’t true. He was younger than me. I saw him as a friend.

Ahem.

Conveniently, Marko was also staying with me. Since all of our friends were leaving, he asked me if I wanted to get some alcohol and ‘hang out’ on the beach. The proposal sounded good even if I no longer tried to see him as anything. We walked over the rocks to Paradise Beach where we got some vodka and juice and headed back.

Ah, Mykonos!

Ah, Mykonos!

“Do you want to sit with our friends or go to the beach right now?” he asked.

“I don’t know” I shrugged, trying to look as nonchalant as possible. The beach! The beach! Screamed my insides.

“It’s up to you” he offered. “What do you want?”

“Don’t leave it to me” I said. I am a teacher. That’s how teachers get suspended.

We flipped a coin and ended up sitting with some people, however he really wanted to get away and finally offered me to go to the beach. Aha, I thought! It wasn’t my decision.

We walked through the beach passing by some couple who was having sex. The beautiful guy looked at us with a confident smirk and continued his thrusting. Ok, so I guess this was awkward just for me.

Marko picked the most secluded spot, far away on the beach. How ridiculously romantic it was there! Big orange moon, perfect temperature, the sea that seemed as calm as a pool.. just amazing. I also brought some soft trance music and romantic Italian songs to set the atmosphere.

I awkwardly positioned myself on a lounge chair until he offered me to move in close to him. We talked a little bit until he suggested we go for a swim.

“It’s up to you though. Do you want to?” he asked.

“Sure” I shrugged. Once again, trying to be non-committal. I didn’t want this boy to think he had a big effect on me. I remembered the way he told me about girls and the way one pretty one practically melted all over him as he casually talked to her. I didn’t want to be one of them. I was the mature one. I should know how to seduce men.

We stripped out of our clothes. Thankfully I was wearing a push-up bra that made my normal B cup look like a C cup. Oh the lies we go through… We swam a bit and then walked out.

sunset at our beach

“Come here” he offered and I sat near him on the lounge chair. He took a towel and covered me. I was pressed against his wet chest and he kept on drying me and making shuddering noises.

I was so drawn to him, but I didn’t want to kiss him first. Isn’t swimming in your underwear a definite prelude to something? And what came next is the best prelude ever.

“Do you want a massage?” he offered.

Seriously?

“Yes” I agreed, giddy. First, I loved massages. Second, I liked Marko. Third, well, Marko and massage had to equal something else.

He told me to lie down on the chair and put my arms by my sides. His expert hands massaged me over and over. He worked on my body, my head, my arms… I felt like I was in heaven. I tried to talk, but he told me to be quiet and enjoy myself.

At times, he bent down over me and caressed my hands. I could feel his body ridiculously close to mine and I wanted him so much.

“You’re amazing Marko” I told him.

“I like that you are enjoying this so much” he said. “I can keep going all night.” (No pun intended)

He went on for like an hour, or at least that’s what it felt like. At this point, I thought that if he didn’t finish, he would never kiss me so I told him to stop.

He asked me to move closer to him and covered me with the towel again. It was strange. I was used to seeing immature Marko, but here was a guy who seemed older than me. He was so genuine, relaxed, confident yet caring, so much so that I felt like I was spending the night with another guy.

“Are you cold?” He asked me. I shook my head. “I don’t want you to get sick.”

Mykonos at night. How I miss it!

Mykonos at night. How I miss it!

He pulled me to him, my face inches away from his and said what literally would be a come-on, except now I wasn’t sure of anything.

“Would you like to spend the night on the beach?”

I should have been exhausted from not sleeping, but I wasn’t at all tired as I desired him so much. I wanted him to make a move, damn it!

“Well, let’s lie here” I said “and we’ll see”

This was my non-committal yes. Yes, I wanted to spend the night. Yes, I wanted you to make a move. Where was it?

He pulled me into him so that it felt like we’ve known each other intimately. I was slightly on top of him, my arm across his chest and he was hugging me with one arm, his other caressing my face, my neck and my hands.

“Your skin is very soft” he told me.

This is not the first compliment he told me as he had said I was pretty before and told me if he had as hot of a teacher as me, he would never focus in class.

I think I told him he had great hands.

He caressed me over and over again, his mouth inches from mine. Why, why, why, why aren’t you kissing me? I screamed in my head.

I twisted and made noises in order to wake him up, scared that he would go to sleep and thus forget to ever kiss me.

“Shh, sleep” he would say.

Sleep? Make a bloody move and I would sleep! I wanted to scream. What the hell was this? You can’t seduce me and leave me hanging.

And I swear to you, his hand never left me, as he kept on caressing me over and over, even going as far as to give an ‘ear massage’.

I actually kissed him on the cheek and wished him good night. What did he do? The same. A chaste goodnight kiss, with a girl who was spending the night with you. On the beach. In Mykonos. You, who were a boy in the prime of his life, ready to spring up for any resemblance of a woman. What was wrong with me?

He never went to sleep either. He kept on waking up every two seconds and we even switched ‘positions’. He was now all over me on top. Really. And nothing.

0By the time roosters starting singing their ‘cookle do’ or whatever it is, I couldn’t take it anymore. I got enough will power in me to begin.

“Marko. Can I ask you something?”

He sat down on me and took out his cigarette, the sun beginning to rise behind him.

“Yeah?” He asked, his cat yellow eyes looking down at me as he inhaled.

I felt so awkward suddenly. I mean what kind of twenty-seven year old teacher asks a twenty-two year old why he wasn’t kissing her on a beach. It was embarrassing.

“Nothing”

“Ok, Mia. Now you have to tell me. You can’t do that.”

I shuffled and stammered and breathed for about five minutes. Finally I asked him what I was trying to ask all night.

“Why didn’t you try anything? I mean, not sex. But we spent the night on the beach and you didn’t even try to kiss me?”

“Oh” he said as if he hadn’t expected it. Yeah, right he didn’t. What a clueless, chaste young boy he was. “Well, you know I never kiss first. I did tell you about the Italian girl and how she kissed me. Why didn’t you make a move?”

“Because I am twenty-seven”

“But you’re older. You should know better”

“Precisely.”

“So we’re both stubborn“ he said with a smile.

“ I guess so” I answered. I felt even more awkward now. I expected him to kiss me by this point, but I didn’t want to feel like I was begging for it.

“Just don’t do anything” I said. “I feel awkward.”

He finished the cigarette. “But you know that it has nothing to do with your attractiveness. I think you’re pretty and you know I don’t have a type.”

How sweet.

“Look, Marko. Please don’t explain yourself. It’s fine. I was just surprised, that’s all”

“I just thought we were good as friends. I didn’t want to ruin a nice romantic night with another hook up.”

“But we’re not friends” I laughed. “You live in BC. I live in Toronto. We’ve known each other for two days”

“Yes, but I like to distinguish girls that I feel are my friends and I felt that with you. Otherwise I wouldn’t have said anything about other girls. I mean, why would I do that and still try something?”

So I was a friend. Best friend. Friend that he would never see again.

Best friends!

Best friends!

“It’s fine.” I turned on my side. “ I feel embarrassed I even said anything to you. You’re so young.”

He lay down near me. “So, now, I don’t know what to do.”

“Sleep.” I told him. “I’m going to.”

I actually fell asleep for 20 minutes or so. As the sun came up and I have not slept all night, expecting a kiss from this Young Prince, I felt stupid. Not stupid, exactly. More like upset. Or a mixture of both. Any young boy would be glad to have a girl close to him. Even a proximity to a girl would spur a rising. Clearly Marko was different or he wasn’t attracted to me. Or maybe, just maybe, he was so sure of himself, that he wanted to seduce me and leave me hanging. In this case, it definitely worked. I was the fool.

I said goodbye to him and left. He still tried to talk to me about it, but I was done.

Ios

Ios

I saw him again in three days. We met on another island – Ios. I knew he was there, but as I saw him in a club, I felt nervous. He saw me and gave me a hug. He looked genuinely happy to see me and as we danced together again, and a heat of attraction washed over me, I thought “Enough”. This would have the same ending as Mykonos. So I told him I had to go and left the club.

I saw him a few times after, drunk and surrounded by girls.

Who knows why, but I still sometimes wonder why he didn’t make a move and if any of you have an idea or a thought, feel free to share. It would be interesting to hear no matter how bizarre.

Unless you say he’s gay. Definitely not.

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16 thoughts on “To Kiss or Not to Kiss? (2012) – The Croatian

  1. Weird. I think if you only see a girl as your friend you wouldn’t spend one on one time giving her a massage and spooning with her all night. I think he had to like you more than friends. He was just too scared to make the next move maybe because he thought you might reject him or out of respect for you? I think guys need encouragement sometimes.

    • Yes, I agree. It’s a really weird way to spend the night with a friend!
      He told me afterwards that he was interested, but never explained why nothing happened. Anyways, it’s long gone and definitely forgotten, but thanks for the comment:))

  2. I think he is gay, a straight guy would never have the patience to give a full body massage for a long period of time without going further. My gay best friend gives me those kind of massages all the time though!

    • Haha.. thanks for the comment. No, he’s not. He has a girlfriend now. Sometimes he actually writes to me and after the whole incident, I asked him why he didn’t do anything and he said he wasn’t sure I wanted something. A weird response but oh, well!

  3. Ah okay, ps I forgot to say how much I LOVE your blog (my fave is the Portuguese guy) but now i’m sad because I’ve nearly read all the articles 😦

  4. Thank you! It’s so great to hear that my personal stories are so interesting to someone!:)) Did you read my last two that I just put up?
    The problem with having a personal blog means that I have to actually have something with someone in order to write about it and if I don’t.. there is no material. Did you want me to pass you my Youtube page? I focus on dating around the world there as well!

      • hehe I do! I mention it more in my latest stories as I started it over a year ago.. And by the way, if you pay attention you will see some of these guys I talk about in my videos. 😉 I will send it over to your email!
        PS Came back from Argentina a week ago as I was there for the winter. Horrible being back home so I’m trying to figure out what to do with my life…

  5. Seriously reading up on your adventures are so addicting! I would definitely want to visit your youtube page as well~

    • Using the word “addicting” is probably the best compliment you could pay me!:)) let me know which story is your favorite. Always interesting to hear that!
      I will pass you the link!

  6. Hi Mia) I enjoy very much reading your blog! I am also eastern european (Ukrainian) living abroad and haha funnily I am not attracted to my my male compatriots either so your stories are somewhat easy to relate to. My favorite so far is about Spanish guy, although I’m only half way through the blog. I’ve met a lot of douchy guys like that, I even think it’s my type (which one of us has never fallen for an eye-candy, especially one radiating confidence =)
    I’d like to check out your youtube channel if you could share the link, please.
    Thank you for sharing your experience so openly, I’m sure all of your readers get to learn a lot of things thanks to it.

    • Thank you so much, Hannah! I think “douchy guys radiating confidence” are unfortunately most girls’ weakness!

      I definitely get some hate for sharing my experiences so thanks for the vote of confidence! Will send you my link by email;)

    • Hey Hannah,

      Thanks so much! Glad you like the Spanish guy, even though that story really just ended without any grand finale. The story itself is actually one of my favorites too because I was quite obsessed with the guy. I will send you my link shortly!

      Many hugs,
      Mia

  7. The comment is very late, but my theory is a bit cynical. I think maybe he has a bet with himself to see if he can get you to make the first move. It’s a challenge for him. I find it hard to explain why he would do all those things to attract you but not make the final leap.

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