Yet another mistake of mine, as I somehow ended up with a dominant prick I hated yet felt strangely attracted to. I guess if we didn’t like dominance, Fifty Shades of Grey wouldn’t sell so many copies. Please don’t tell me it’s well written!
If you have read some of my other stories, you may remember the mention of my Mexican boss, Vicente.
He was my direct boss whose job was to make sure the animators did not slack off and were on practically every minute. He was an animator himself and has been doing it for a few years back, taking breaks every so often to play basketball.
I hated his guts.
Dark and not very attractive, besides his perfect six-pack, he was crude, machisto and thought he was God’s gift to women. Maybe because he was so confident in himself, or possibly because of that Tarzan-like masculinity, girls were drawn to him like moths to a flame. And not just any girls. Beautiful girls. I watched wide-eyed as he would roar up to the building on his scooter, with yet another girl on the back seat. What did they all see in him?
One night, shortly after I have arrived, I was on my way to the supermarket and saw three
of the animators sitting in a taco joint close to our house. Vicente was one of them. We talked a little bit and afterwards he gave me a once over:
“You are welcome to come to my place anytime you want, Mia” he winked.
Repelled by his cockiness I shook my head side to side with a smile. It’s not going to happen, buddy, I thought. Nice try.
He was a boss most of us were intimidated of, as he always looked rough and angry, even if he was making a joke. Most of the guys on the team, Jay included (read the Cuban), looked up to him as if he was their mentor. He did get the girls, after all. With his low and raspy voice, Vicente’s anger scared even me. However, just as soon as he would yell at me, there would come out this other side of him. He would suddenly look at me with that fire in his eyes and I didn’t know how to react.
Once, during a Disney rehearsal, he came up to me as I was waiting behind the curtain and pressed me to the wall. His breath was hot on my neck and I held my breath, not sure if I wanted him to make a move or not. Maybe that was it, I thought. Girls liked the power of the wild animal in him. They liked being so explicitly wanted. And they were curious as to what this Tarzan man would be like in bed.
To my relief, he soon left the team and was replaced by Marcel, a former model who also thought he was God’s gift to women, but who was a lot easier to work with.
I didn’t see Vicente for some time, even though he lived in the same building as me. However, after I quit my job, he volunteered in helping me find another one.
I came by his apartment, uncomfortable to say the least, because I almost didn’t know how to act with him. He was so different. Gentle and funny, he talked to me as we had never talked before. We decided to go to a club so he could talk to the manager for me. They could use me as a dancer, he said.
That night I was exhausted. Now that I quit my job, all I could do was sleep. I had no energy for anything other than talking to Javier (read The Chilean) on the computer and even the beach bored me to no extent. What was there to do but lounge around or pretend to swim in the water, just because it was there? It struck me as odd how obsessed people were with vacations and beach, when it was there and there was no more fun in it.
I forced myself to wake up and get dressed. I needed a job, especially now when I would have to move out of my apartment in a week and I would have nowhere to stay. I wasn’t allowed to stay with my Mexican friends, since they like me, resigned the same day. It was our pact: to make our boss’ life hell as he would struggle to find replacements. After all, not only did I tell him all I thought of him and our working conditions, but I left that very same day. This was our top boss, Pedro. What a prick.
Vicente invited his sister and friend along, which relieved me. Now I wouldn’t have to be
alone with him. The manager was busy, he said when we got to the club, so let’s dance. He took my hand and led me to another corner in the room and I followed him. Suddenly we were dancing close to each other and I could see the fire coming into his dark eyes again. And then I felt him go hard. I should have turned around and left right then and there, but I didn’t. In some strange way I was flattered by the attention he was showing me.
He pushed me down on the stage and kissed me, his hot lusty breath on my face again. It all happened so quickly, I had no time to respond. As soon as he moved away, I got up and ran to the bathroom to register what just happened.
What was I doing? I thought. I need to go home. Or maybe I need a drink.
I walked up to the bar and suddenly spotted one of Pate’s acquantances – Gabriel. Gabriel was a wealthy Mexican from her small city and has lived in Australia prior to coming to Playa where he worked as a bartender. He was very cute and clearly interested in me.
“Can I buy you a drink?” he asked.
“Sure” I said, looking over at Vicente who was at the other end of the room eyeing me suspiciously.
Mr. Tarzan then sauntered over and informed me of their collective decision to go to another club. If I hadn’t known Vicente better, I would even say he actually looked jealous.
“I’ll join you soon” I said, looking over at Gabriel.
Ok, so the question on your mind is what was I even doing talking to these two guys, when I was already involved in a long distance relationship. Haven’t I already mentioned that meeting guys no longer interested me as I was invested in being with Javier?
Yes, it is true. However, we are all human and Mexico can do some strange things to people. This night, I was too relaxed to think straight and that’s what led me to what I to this day regret.
Gabriel wanted to show me the pool bar that he worked in and we walked up the staircase to this beautiful empty lounge where he kissed me. We kissed to the way to the club. And we kissed in the club, with me pressed against him. It felt like we were kissing for hours.
“Do you want to come to my place?” he asked.
“I can’t” I said. I looked over at Vicente, who now was really starting to look dejected and who I actually beginning to feel bad for. A practical side of me took over, thinking that I did need the job, and he was the only one who could help me get it.
“You are leaving?” asked Gabriel who was now looking dejected as well. Well, sorry, I couldn’t please everyone.
I sauntered over to Vicente. “You want to go back?” I asked.
“You had enough of your boy there?” he asked jealously.
“Oh him? He’s a friend of a friend.. something like that.”
“Good friend, I can see” he smiled. “Ok, let’s go.”
It was getting light by the time we reached the complex in the taxi. He paid the driver and we walked upstairs. My room was on the third floor so I had to pass by his on my way up. Then the craziest thing happened.
Vicente, clearly still desiring what he didn’t get, grabbed me by the waist and pulled me inside. Not knowing how to react I didn’t. I just went along with it.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
He began kissing me, then he pushed me on his bed.
“What are you doing?” I gasped.
“Don’t worry” he said.
“I don’t want to have sex!” I exclaimed.
“We won’t” he said.
He continued kissing me until I felt something hard in me. He lied! I realized. He tricked me into having sex with him and I was the stupid one now.
“Vicente!” I yelled. “ I told you no”
“You want me to stop?” he asked. “I can stop”
“I.. I don’t know” I murmured. I didn’t know. He has already started so if we stopped now, what would I say this was? Was this sex or was this half sex? I realize that it’s stupid to consider the importance of what this would be titled at the moment I was literally tricked into sleeping with him, but my mind couldn’t stop spinning.
“I can put on a condom” he said and I silently watched as he opened his drawer and took one out. Why didn’t I leave? We continued whatever this was, was it sex or was it rape? I could technically leave, but I was somewhat forced into an intercourse with this man. Who was I kidding? I brought this upon myself. After all, who turns a Mexican guy on, makes out with another one and then goes home with him?
Finally it kicked in just how ridiculous I was being and told him to stop. Now in a firm no, not a million weak no’s that seemed to have zero effect. He registered what I said, throwing the condom down with some anger.
“I’m gonna go” I said, straightening my clothes.
“Stay” he said. “Lie down with me.” This was bizarrely turning into Jay, the Cuban, but it was even stranger hearing this from Vicente, who I have never seen anything but angry or horny.
“You know” he said, hugging me to him as I awkwardly positioned myself near him “I always liked you.”
“Uh uh” I said. And a million other girls.
“No, it’s true. I remember you came to this party in this golden dress and I couldn’t take my eyes off of you. I really like you, Mia”
I think my mouth must have dropped. He really liked me? He was my cocky boss who was the ultimate player. Was this a trick to get into my pants yet again?
I left him there and went to my room, lying on my bed for hours, unable to fall asleep. I have never really regretted having sex with someone until now. This felt wrong.
Had I been able to ignore him, maybe I would have somewhat forgot the accident, but as luck would have it, I had nowhere else to stay but his place for the last few days of my stay. He would come into the living room, where I lay curled up on the couch and lower his face to mine. I would keep mine turned sideways so he wouldn’t be able to kiss me. Look at me, he would say. The one time I did, he kissed me.
The next time, I saw him in the club dancing with a girl. She was all over him and I just felt disgusted at the whole thing. Would I now come home just to find him in bed with another girl? It’s not that I care, I told one of my girlfriends, if I didn’t have to live with him.
As I walked in the apartment, I saw her walk out of his room in his jersey. I knocked on the door. I just need a pillow to sleep, I told him. I’ll only be a second.
He asked me to come in. He was sitting in the dark, fully clothed to my relief.
“Why don’t you understand that I want to be with you?” he asked. This was bizarrely turning into a sappy Telenovela.
“I just saw a girl walk out of your room, Vicente! Are you kidding me?”
“We never had sex!” he yelled.
“Listen” I continued, grabbing my pillow and heading for the door “This doesn’t concern me. Sleep with whoever you like. I’m not your girlfriend.”
“But I don’t want you to say that” he said, banging the wall with his fist. “I like you. I want to be with you.”
“Vicente, I have a boyfriend!”
“It didn’t seem like that the time you were with me or that other guy”
“I know. But it’s true. I really like him and I can’t cheat on him again.”
“Can you at least just spend the night with me? I promise I won’t try anything during the night.” He begged, looking like a lost child.
“Okay” I succumbed. “But no funny business!”
He did try to kiss me in the morning, but thankfully, this time I pushed him away. A deal is a deal, I said. He sighed – you are so difficult.
Gabriel also tried to get in contact with me through one of my friends. He would call her phone and ask her if she could bring me along to wherever we were going. He sent me emails asking if we could meet again. I never replied. The thing with these Mexican men was that they were so easily turned on and until they fully got what they want, they would not stop. I knew that once I slept with Gabriel, his interest would quickly fade away. But had I now been able to chose who I would spend that night or rather the morning with, it would be him.
I guess regrets are there for a reason. They teach us a lesson. “Only an insane person would do the same thing and expect a different outcome” Albert Einstein once said and should I continue this trend, I am planning on placing myself into the nearest mental institution for examination.
After all, how many mistakes can I make and still not learn my lesson?